Real thoughts and emotions from the road

Note – I am writing this because I am incapable of focusing on my game preparation and doing nothing is making things worse.

Here I sit sobbing in my hotel room, sobbing for the families, sobbing for the children, sobbing out of fear and sobbing because I can’t go grab my own children and hug them.

All we want is to protect our children. We want our children free of fear. We want our children safe.

Each time we drop our children at school we expect to see them again. Each time any of us moms and dads who travel leaves for another trip we expect to see them again upon our return. Today that didn’t happen for some families in Connecticut. Too often that is not happening.

Somehow distance makes you feel more vulnerable. In a hotel in Phoenix, I feel useless, but what could I really do anyway. I will squeeze my 7 and 10 year old children a little extra tonight at 1 am when I return home and feel very lucky to be able do that and then promptly get on a plane again on Monday to leave for a week. Anyone who has a job that pulls them away from their family asks themselves is this ok, am I doing my duty as a father and husband. These moments make you doubt even more.

It is scary. Our foundation of security is being ripped apart by these dreadful moments. We like lions need to protect our pride. For a group of families in Connecticut without making a single error in their life, in the upbringing of their children, those lives are gone.

The book Generations presented the thesis you can’t view what is taking place in the world unless you view the world in 20 or 30 or 40 year blocks. Look at the world in 1920 and then look at it at in 1950 and then again in 1980 and then again in 2010 to really see what is changing. Looking day to day you miss the major shifts in our world. Look at our world in 1950 and ask what we believed in regards to our security and where our safe places were. Then ask again with year 1980 and ask again about 2010.

That is how you see the world shifting. That is an unnerving look. Something is seriously askew in our country. Violence is more rampant. Mass killings are becoming more common place and anyplace.

We need to address this. I don’t have any idea the answer to what is causing this or how to prevent it. I just know that in hotel room in Phoenix I am broken inside and the foundation that my life rests upon feels far shakier right now than it did this morning.

Please make it stop.